I thought about texting you
“Goodmorning, I can’t sleep”
but then I remembered
that you are on a journey
that I am not a part of
and that’s okay
I can’t sleep
I thought about texting you
“Goodmorning, I can’t sleep”
but then I remembered
that you are on a journey
that I am not a part of
and that’s okay
I can’t sleep
If you look at life as if it were a box, how would you see yourself fitting into the box? I see everything in constant motion. Everything has a purpose, a mission, a goal, something that its trying to achieve. I feel like I don’t. Sometimes it’s as if the world moving but I never move with it. I feel like the purpose I serve is to drift around popping in and out of peoples lives, possibly changing them but never changing myself. Maybe that’s just it though. We all serve some kind of purpose and people spend ages trying to find out what they were meant to do, but maybe it’s not that difficult. We look for some hidden meaning to life because we know that life ends, so it has to be more than just messing up and fixing mistakes, drifting around and coming back again. Stepping back though, life is life. There is no secret message; there is no hidden meaning. Facing reality is, to bluntly put it, beak and disheartening. However, it is relieving in the sense that life becomes simple. It allows one to strip away the wandering thoughts and hopes that surround things and focus on more important tasks. So, perhaps I do drift. Perhaps that is the only thing I do, and the only thing I will be good at doing. But it’s simple. And nothing needs to be too complicated.
Cold air runs through the dismal world I call home. Autumn is falling, and soon winter will take over. Finally the adventurous days of October and November are here. The brisk breeze, happy trick-or-treaters, Thanksgiving, and Christmas will all be around the corner. The season of bonfires and relationships has begun. S’mores and hot chocolate wait to be kissed by awaiting lips. The leaves will soon be painted with the vibrant shades of red and orange and yellow as the season sets in. Pumpkins eagerly await to be carved, and their seeds beg to be toasted.
The reality of Summer fades away as the world of Autumn and Winter shines. Nothing is quite like it. Though it’s experienced every year, the mid-October feeling, where one is well aware that the world is changing, is unlike any other. Looking to far into it perhaps, but the transition is the loveliest part. In a matter of short days, the heat drifts away and the cold air fills in the empty spaces. The atmosphere surrounding everyone shifts to a laid-back, exciting one. No one is left behind in the Fall. Everyone finds something to do, someone to see, a place to go, and people do as they please. It’s the season for doing just that. It’s time to start again.
When I say I sometimes feel depressed, I often take back the words that flow from my mouth. Emotions are things you feel. They over take your brain and alter your actions. To feel them is to recognize and react to them. There are, however, other things that you do not really feel at all. You just are them. Depression, for me, is one of those things. I do not feel anything when I get really depressed. There is no sadness or loneliness or anger. I am nothing in a world of something. I am empty, and I am depressed. There is no feeling involved. I just am. This can be taken to a much bigger level. Everyone is something. We are all part of a whole, but we are all individuals. We cannot see other people’s lives, we cannot feel their joy or happiness. We are not them. We are us, and we just are. Though we personally feel different things and experience different events, when looking at the big picture, we are just ourselves. Nothing more and absolutely nothing less. As time goes on, unless we leave behind our mark (such as Shakespeare, Dickens, ect…) we will be forgotten. Our “just being” will not be important. Even though we all come from somewhere, our lives are so individually different that where we are from begins not to matter. We are our own person, and we just are.
Two conflicting worlds at it again. The good vs. the bad. My dog thinks she is a princess. My family is in chaos. Drama is starting. The workload of school is piling up. Ah, breathing in the good air of the almost Fall weather. With the first three weeks behind the student body, everyone is back in place. The populars are back to being ignorant and annoying, the athletes are back to being athletic, everyone is back in their social groups. The orderly madness is refreshing yet repetitive, and absolutely delightful. High School is officially back, and this blog goes against all of my blogging beliefs.
High school, however, is not my problem. I seem to be facing the age old conflict of a raging heart and a rather realistic brain. I view love as a touchy and horribly dangerous thing. I never wanted to fall in love but I did. I know I am young. I’ve gotten every speech imaginable, but at my age love isn’t about the marriage and starting a family type thing. It’s about learning, and learning is exactly what I am doing. In my little love life, I have Person A and Person B. Person A is someone I’ve known for three years, two of which I spent dating him. He’s a horrible person, he does not live in the same state as me, and I’m absolutely in “love” with him. It has been like that for all of the three years. Person B on the other hand has been in my life for a little over one year. We’ve been talking for nine months, he’s nice, he’s funny, and I can’t stand him but I really like him. I am faced with choosing which guy. I put myself in the situation, and I should just stop all things with both of them and interest myself in Person C, whom I haven’t met yet. I am a teenaged girl though, and my life simply doesn’t work like that. It’s a good vs. evil, classic, teenaged, battle in my brain for my heart. Honestly, it could probably be a book at the rate it is going.
I think the whole image of school is one of the most brilliant things I get to witness. Within the halls of my school, my future is made. No longer is it freshmen year, or middle school. Built from several classrooms, a sad looking group of drama oriented students, and teachers, the foundation for the rest of my life is developed. Without the perfect mix of everything, college and the rest of my life is made unreachable. How wonderfully challenging and unpredictable it can be.
Readers, I have also finished the Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Please read this book if you have not done so already.
Thank you for putting up with my very juvenile blog post. My life is not that interesting and there are a few things I do need to express to something/someone other than my friends.
Being sick is such a waste of time.
I was sitting with one of my best friends today at Starbucks. We were discussing the first week of school and she was sharing her viewpoint on things. I had mentioned to her that I no longer kept up with the social media of our age group because, in my opinion, I believe it all sounds like irrelevant, narcissistic, unnecessary, bullshit. I don’t wish to concern my life or waste my time focusing on that. A few minutes later she turned to me and said that she didn’t want to be left out of social media and seemed concerned that I hadn’t heard or read about the Twitter fight two girls in our grade had the previous night. It was in that moment; in that comment, that I realized how absolutely foolish people my age are. Earlier my friend had also mentioned that she didn’t like one of the girls who participated in the Twitter fight. This set me off on a rant that I would like to share on here.
First of all, I am in highschool. Everyone I surround myself with (for the most part) is in high school. Never should a Twitter fight, or an Instagram picture, or someone talking bad about someone else be so concerning to others. I should not be criticized against because I choose to not care about a Twitter fight. It’s about time people my age grow up. What happens on Twitter is no concern to anyone except who it’s happening to, and quite frankly, to those it concerns, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Why is what two girls are arguing about more relevant than other things. I also am not a fan of one of the girls that participated in this, and when my friend told me about the fight I stopped her and told her I didn’t care. If I don’t like someone, I’m not going to waste my time listening to their problems. It’s not relevant to me. My friend, who also claims not to like her, was overly concerned about what had happened. I don’t understand why any of it is so important. When these kids get to college, if they get to college, they are going to look so foolish and dumb if they go around asking if people had heard what had happened on Twitter. Maybe the majority of people don’t realize how stupid it sounds because the majority of people concern themselves with things like that, or participate in it…but honestly to the rest of us, you could not sound dumber. I wish more people would grow up and mature a bit. We’re not in middle school. We’re not even freshmen. Things like this shouldn’t matter anymore. But yet they do matter to so many.
Another thing that got me today was what one of my other friends did. Now she has made it very clear that she wants to be valedictorian, but she refuses to take any class that would give her less than an A. This results in her taking all regular classes. I’m not saying that this won’t very easily give her the highest grades in our class but, colleges don’t necessarily look at the grades. They look at whether you challenge yourself or not. She refuses to challenge herself if it means she won’t pull an A, and she refuses to believe that a challenging class will benefit her more than an A in an easy class will. This year she decided to take honors math. I took the class the previous year and I can confirm that it is not a class you get an A in. Anyways, she came into newspaper bawling her eyes out. I asked her what happened and she said that she had made a 78 on her math quiz and that her grade was now a 78 in the class. She also explained that she wanted to drop the course because she didn’t have an A. I wanted to slap some sense into her. My generation is so unprepared to fail. I take all honors and ap classes. I haven’t had straight A’s in years. From this experience I have learned so much about being able to recover and try harder. I’ve learned that taking a B in a rigorous ap course is not an awful thing. I’ve come to understand that my B in my ap biology class I took freshmen year will get me further than anyone’s A they got in college prep biology. You have to fail, you have to get less than an A, you have to be challenged in order to be successful. It teaches you and builds your academic level. If you drop every class that somewhat challenges you for an easier one, you will get nowhere in life. In the real world, you can’t just drop your job because you don’t know how to do something. You can’t drop college because you don’t have a good grade in a class. You have to have experience to know how to fix it. You have to have failed previously in your life to learn what to do when you fail again. My generation doesn’t understand it, and unfortunately for my “future valedictorian,” she’s not going to get far with her current academic attitude.
About two years ago I was blessed with the opportunity to spend my summer in Norway with my best friend who is originally from there. Norway turned out to be the most beautiful place I had ever seen. It still is. With the rolling hills and open fields, the friendly and beautiful people, and the natural and fresh food, I knew it would be a trip that I was to remember for my entire life. Please note, the pictures in this post are only a few out of the hundreds I took. Let me take the time now to tell you that if you ever get the opportunity to go somewhere in Europe, please consider Norway. It won’t be a disappointment.
ALSO SORRY ABOUT THE SPACES BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS AND PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!
To get there you have to spend a total of about 10-11 hours on a plane. Leaving from Atlanta, you fly into Amsterdam. From there you get on a layover and fly into Oslo. Or well, that’s what we did. The airplane food was the worst thing I ate when I was there. The fish they gave us looked like mashed potatoes and the second choice was supposed to be steak but it looked like a brown loaf of substance. It’s also very hard to sleep on a plane when you’ve been sitting there for such a long time. You wind up gaining an extra day and don’t worry, the jet lag when you finally arrive at your destination will throw off your entire schedule. It’s so worth it though. When we finally landed in Oslo we took a Bullet Train to Lommedalen, a small “valley town” where my friend’s summer house was. After setting our stuff down we took a walk around the neighborhood. I couldn’t read the street signs which was a weird experience, but looking around me I saw I was surrounded with breathtaking beauty, and it finally hit me that I would be spending my summer in the amazing country of Norway.
In Norway everyone bikes. During the first couple days there, my friend and I decided to take a short bike ride down to the local grocery store so I could try some authentic Norwegian snacks. I was happily delighted with the tasty pastries and yummy tea I got to enjoy. After we ate, we biked around Lommedalen and I got to see where all her friends lived and I got to know the area. We passed by her friend’s house which would host a perfect party later in June, I didn’t know that yet though.
The food in Norway is much different than that of America. First off, all of their food is fresh and locally grown. You don’t find processed foods or fast food restaurants. The land isn’t littered with McDonalds or Wendys. Everywhere is natural and you can taste the difference in the food when you try your first bite of something. Iste became my favorite brand of tea, and treats such as Bolas and Wheetos became my favorite foods. Every night my friend and I would sit and eat a piece of bread with natural honey on it. The bread there isn’t like the bread we find at a local grocery store. For them, the normal bread is much like bread we would bake at home. It’s thick and fresh and delicious. I didn’t have anything I didn’t like for the entire time I was there. Each dish or treat I tried was a burst of flavor in my mouth, and almost everything I tried became something I craved when I got back to America. It’s still like that today.
One excursion we took was to the Fjords. My friend’s grandparents owned a moderately large boat, so we went out in the afternoon and ate dinner on the water. It was so beautiful. The water was clear and the mountains and forests were gorgeous. Expensive and elaborate houses lined the water in certain areas and we all had fun picking out where we would have liked to live. The boat we were on had a kitchen, bathroom, and two bedrooms. It was incredibly nice, and added to the pricelessness of the trip. My friend and I found ourselves lounging on the deck talking and taking in the sights almost the entire time. We wound up falling asleep on the deck after dinner and we woke up with the most hideous tan lines. We could only laugh and continue enjoying our time.
Another trip we took was to Sweden. It was a three hour cruise by boat away. At first we drove some way to her aunt and uncles house. My friend and I slept outside in a separate little cabin from the house. It was fun. After that we drove the rest of the way to the boarding area for the cruise boat. A few hours later we got off in Sweden. We checked into our hotel and went to a pizza place. Here I encountered one of the most frustrating experiences I had. The language barrier had been difficult to deal with, but when I couldn’t order my own food, I felt degraded and I wanted to cry. I held it together though, and cheered up when I got to enjoy a tasty pizza.
My friend’s relatives owned a cabin, much like everyone in Norway owns. We spent a few nights there during the summer too. The spacious cabin was nestled in the woods by a lake. The natural beauty was an unexpected delight.
As it was my first time there, we also did touristy stuff. We took a trip to the Kon Tiki museum along with the Fram museum. A couple times we went to downtown Oslo and shopped around. We went to the Royal Palace and the Folk museum as well. The Folk museum was my favorite because it wasn’t like a generic museum. It was all outdoors and it was set up to represent walking through the different time periods in Norway history. It was fun and very interactive. They even had live animals to feed and pet. I felt like a little kid again. On the Fourth of July we headed down Vigelandsparken/Frognerparken or Frogner Park. It’s famous for all the statues it has. Here some of the famous sights we came across were statues such as The 14-meter high Monolith. It can be interpreted into many things, but I took it as mans struggle. Another sight was the central bridge with abundant sculptures of naked men. Some of the young locals nicknamed it the Bridge of Dicks. One of the statues is a crying baby. It’s famous for it’s trying story of theft and the loss of an arm. The odd statue stands proud in its selected spot for tourists to view. They were throwing a festival for the Fourth but we didn’t stay long for that. We had our own celebration we were having back at my friend’s house to get home to.
One of my favorite days was when we took a scenic car ride. We drove through the open fields of Norway and we all sat silently in the car as we enjoyed the views. It was absolutely stunning. There weren’t buildings everywhere and the air was crisp and clean. The grass and trees were a vivid green and there were little to no people. It was like being in a completely different world. I found it as a blissful solitude. It was something I’d never forget.
Overall the entire trip was memorable. I met so many friends and saw so many things people my age have never seen. I got to experience true culture shock, language barriers, and a six hour time difference to get used to. It was worth every struggle I encountered.
On the way back we missed our layover flight from Amsterdam to Atlanta because our flight to Amsterdam ran late. I missed home so much and when I heard that we wouldn’t be going home for another day, I sat for five minutes and bawled. We had no luggage or place to stay so the airport had to provide for us. We stayed in a hotel where we ate a nice dinner with a very friendly waitress. It turned out to not be horrible, and looking back on it now, I’m glad it happened. We finally made it back home and I was greeted with a classic Georgia sunset.
If any of you want more pictures ( I have a ton more, including more pictures of the different foods and sights!) or would like to know anything else please comment below! There’s a lot I didn’t cover in this post and I’d be more than happy to share information about this trip.
It seems like everyone is so stressed lately. Summer is coming to a close and the hustle and bustle of the school year and official work year is getting everyone in a haste. Though it seems like none of us have time for this, I believe we all need to take a day, or an hour, or even a few minutes and just chill out. Everything anyone needs to get done will, and you work more proficiently when you’re relaxed anyways. Everyone I’ve spoken to lately has been complaining about not being able to go shopping, or not having the work done, or not having the teachers ready for when school starts (my mom is a principal). If you keep stressing out about things like that, you’re not making it get done any sooner or making it any better. I stress out a lot but I’m not afraid to admit that in the big picture, when I take time to complain and stress, I’m just being selfish. I can’t sit there and make anger about things when I’m wasting my time doing just that. If I’m gonna spend time not contributing to the situation at hand then I might as well make use of my wasted time. I might as well relax for a minute. Which leads me to say that everyone has time to slow down and relax because I know we all definitely make time to worry and complain. It’s kinda like being angry at someone. If you spend your time being mad at them, the only thing you’re doing is making the situation worse. You’re not contributing to anything and if you care enough to complain then why waste time not fixing things. If you’re not gonna put in the time to fix things, then I say you don’t deserve the right to be angry…or complain. I can almost guarantee that once you slow down for a minute and reevaluate the situation and calm down a bit (relax) that you’ll be more ready to come back and start working on what you need to do. You’ll also be happier because for once, you’ll be able to breathe and clear your mind. We all want a break right? So let’s give ourselves one. If you reflect on your day I’m sure you can point out many activities you do that aren’t necessary but you make excuses for anyways. If you cut just one of those activities out and use the unused time to relax, then you’ll automatically be more proficient. Now I’m not saying for everyone out there to stop what they’re doing for good and take a nap. I’m just saying that we waste our time doing un-useful things, when we could be doing something that’s not the task at hand, but is contributing to it in a positive way in the long run.
Basically we all just need to step back for a minute, sip our Camomile tea, and calm down.
Alright so I have no idea what to blog about so I decided to discuss a song I have been listening to non-stop for the past week. I’m absolutely obsessed with the song “Sweater Weather” by The Neighborhood. It mixes hip-hop (ish) and alternative rock into a perfect song. I encourage all of y’all to listen to it if you’ve never heard it, and if you have heard it, you should go listen to it again. I don’t listen to the radio at all so if it’s an overplayed radio song, I apologize. Another song by them called Wires has also been on repeat quite often this week. Sorry this is all this post is. I will for sure make sure the next one is 100% longer and more interesting. I’ve been super busy with back to school stuff so yeah, sorry, Have a nice evening.